Education

Learning and the Mind

“Learning never exhausts the mind.” – Leonardo da Vinci

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Kids and Science

  • One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
  • You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
  • When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
  • When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.
  • While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
  • Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.
  • A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
  • Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to become oil.
  • Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.
  • Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
  • We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
  • I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
  • In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.
  • Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
  • Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.
  • Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
  • Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
  • It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live in other places.
  • H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
  • To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
  • Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
  • Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
  • Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
  • The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.
  • Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
  • Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
  • The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
  • The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
  • A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
  • The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
  • A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
  • Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
  • Liter: A nest of young puppies.
  • Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
  • Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
  • Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
  • Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
  • Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
  • Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
  • To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
  • For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
  • For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
  • For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
  • To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
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Things My Mother Taught Me

  • My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
  • My mother taught me RELIGION. “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  • My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  • My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  • My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
  • My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  • My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
  • My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  • My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
  • My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  • My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  • My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
  • My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”
  • My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  • My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
  • My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
  • My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
  • My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  • My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
  • My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
  • My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
  • My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  • My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
  • My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
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An Investment in Knowledge

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.” – Benjamin Franklin

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Education Is

Education is the movement from darkness to light. – Allan Bloom

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English is a Crazy Language!

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language.

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

People, not computers, invented English and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. I’m sew confused!

P.S. So why doesn’t “buick” rhyme with “quick”?

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Hear, See, Do

“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Confucius

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The Difference Between School and Life

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” – Tom Bodett

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Surviving Formal Education

“It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.” – Albert Einstein

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This is Science?

This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.

  • H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
  • To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
  • When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
  • Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.
  • A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
  • Liter: A nest of young puppies.
  • Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
  • Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
  • Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
  • The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.
  • A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
  • To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
  • For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.
  • For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
  • Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
  • The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
  • Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
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