How to Keep the Office Interesting

  • Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
  • Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 raw potatoes.
  • Insist that your e-mail address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com”
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
  • Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
  • Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present.
  • Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky”…”No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
  • Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. If you don’t have children, draw stick figures yourself.
  • Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $25 each.
  • Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
  • Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
  • Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
  • Hang mistletoe over your desk.
  • Include a personal note on every e-mail you send: “On a personal note, I’m feeling a bit tired and grumpy today.”…”On a personal note, I’m pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night.”
  • Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  • Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
  • Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

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