Keeping Your Sanity (or Insanity) at Work

  • At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  • Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
  • Insist that your e-mail address is Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King @companyname.com.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  • Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  • Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
  • Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  • Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
  • Finish all your sentences with, “…in accordance with the prophecy.”
  • Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
  • Dont use any punctuation
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
  • Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.
  • Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  • Call the psychic hotline and just say, “Guess.”
  • When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won! Third time this week!!!”
  • When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
  • Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do”
  • Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
  • Every time you see a broom, yell, “Honey, your mother is here.”

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