“Leaders should step back and take a moment to consider and think about this simple question: ‘Would I follow me? Why or why not?'” – Greg Taunt
A bunch of guys were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson, at which point Henderson threw down his cards.
“That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”
- You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- The batteries were given out free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- Police were called to the daycare center, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
- Acupuncture is a job well done. That’s the point of it.
A professor was too ill to teach his course, but didn’t want his students to go without. He audio taped his lecture, and sent it in to be played during his class. The experiment went so well, that the professor started taping his lectures and sending them in even after he felt better.
After several weeks of this, he decided actually to attend the class himself, and give his lecture live. When he arrived he found an empty classroom, with 120 tape recorders all set to record his talk.
“No one ever attains very eminent success by simply doing what is required; it is the amount and excellence of what is over and above the required that determines the greatness of ultimate distinction. ” – Charles Francis Adams
“When you feel like criticizing the younger generation, just remember who raised them.”
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.”
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor, he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
“When a man says he is going to do something tomorrow, ask him what he did yesterday.”
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill
“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there can be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.” – William Penn