The TV is my Shepherd, I shall not want. It makes me to lie down on the sofa. It leads me away from the faith. It assaults my soul. It leads me in the paths of sex and violence for the sponsor’s sake.

Yea, though I walk in the shadow of Christian responsibilities, there will be no interruption, for the TV is with me, It’s cable and it’s remote control, they comfort me.

It prepares a commercial before me in the presence of my worldliness. It anoints my head with humanism and consumerism.

My coveting runneth over. Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house watching TV forever.