“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Jones
Things People Won’t Say When They See a Christian Bumper Sticker on a Car
9. “Look! Let’s stop that car and ask those folks how we can become Christians.”
8. “Don’t worry, Billy, those people are Christians. They must have a good reason for driving 90 miles an hour.”
7. “What a joy to be sharing the highway with another car of Spirit-filled brothers and sisters.”
6. “Dad, how come people who drive like that don’t get thrown in jail? Can we get a bumper sticker like that, too?”
5. “Stay clear of those folks, Martha. If they get raptured, that car’s gonna be all over the road!”
4. “Oh, look! That Christian woman is getting a chance to share Jesus with a police officer.”
3. “No, that’s not garbage coming out of their windows, Bert. It’s probably gospel tracts for the road workers.”
2. “Oh boy, we’re in trouble now! We just rear-ended one of God’s cars.”
1. “Quick, Alice, honk the horn or they won’t know that we love Jesus!”
Relish This Day With Your Children
“You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today, it’ll be over before you know it.” – Jen Hatmaker
Finish Every Day and Be Done With It
“Finish every day and be done with it. For manners and for wise living, it is a vice to remember. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday School Bloopers
The following are biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.