“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” – William Ward
This is Science?
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.
- H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
- To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
- When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
- Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.
- A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
- Liter: A nest of young puppies.
- Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
- Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
- The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
- For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.
- For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
- Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
- The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Creating the Future
Influence is a Two-Way Street
What Goes Down, Must Come Up
The Memorial Plaque for Veterans
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Alex.” “Good morning Pastor,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
“Pastor McGhee, what is this?” Alex asked. “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’s voice was barely audible when he asked, “Which service, the 9:00 or the 11:00?”
Finish Strong
No Charge
My little boy came into the kitchen this evening while I was fixing supper. And he handed me a piece of paper he’d been writing on. So, after wiping my hands on my apron, I read it, and this is what it said:
- For mowing the grass, $5.
- For making my own bed this week, $1.
- For going to the store $.50.
- For playing with baby brother while you went shopping, $.25.
- For taking out the trash, $1.
- For getting a good report card, $5.
- And for raking the yard, $2.
Well, I looked at him standing there expectantly, and a thousand memories flashed through my mind. So, I picked up the paper, and turning it over, this is what I wrote:
- For the nine months I carried you, growing inside me, No Charge.
- For the nights I sat up with you, doctored you prayed for you, No charge.
- For the time and the tears, and the cost through the years, No Charge.
- For the nights filled with dread, and the worries ahead, No Charge.
- For advice and the knowledge, and the cost of your college, No Charge.
- For the toys, food and clothes, and for wiping your nose, No Charge.
- Son, when you add it all up, the full cost of my love is No Charge.
Well, when he finished reading, he had great big tears in his eyes. And he looked up at me and he said, “Mama, I sure do love you.” Then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote, PAID IN FULL.
“No Charge” was written by Gospel singer Shirley Ceasar. It was also a country song produced by Howard-Sony Tree Publishing Co., Inc. and sung by Melba Montgomery.