“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” – Elie Wiesel
“People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.” – Sloane Crosley
“Walls turned sideways are bridges.” – Angela Davis
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained pounds. And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth ice cream. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created Insurance Companies, HMOs, and PPOs.
- Your favorite section of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today.”
- The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.
- A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.
- Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.
- Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.
- Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.
- Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.
“May God give us the courage to begin tasks that are longer than our lives” – Catherine McAuley
“You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away man’s initiative and independence. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.” – Abraham Lincoln
“You’re never beaten, until you admit it.” – George S. Patton
- Believing that becoming or being popular means happiness.
- Blaming your problems on something or someone else.
- Thinking maturity “happens” overnight and at an early age.
- Believing nobody understands you.
- Letting others tell you who you are.
- Thinking one failure means you’re a total failure.
- Measuring your self-worth by how often you date or your married status.
- Believing you can get away with anything.
- Letting one rejection defeat you.
- Refusing to learn from your mistakes.
Dentist – “Try to relax. I’ll pull your aching tooth in five minutes.”
Patient – “How much will this cost?”
Dentist – “It’ll be $100.”
Patient – “That much for just five minutes work?”
Dentist – “Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly.”