- You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- The batteries were given out free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- Police were called to the daycare center, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
- When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
- Acupuncture is a job well done. That’s the point of it.
“No one ever attains very eminent success by simply doing what is required; it is the amount and excellence of what is over and above the required that determines the greatness of ultimate distinction. ” – Charles Francis Adams
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.”
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor, he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill
“The key to success has always been to take the first step.” – Brian Tracy
“The love of one’s country is a natural thing. But why should love stop at the border?” – Pablo Casals
Two researchers were independently dispatched to one of the world’s least developed countries by a large shoe manufacturer. Their task was to assess the business possibilities within that country.
When the first report came back to the manufacturer’s headquarters, the message read: “No market here. Nobody wears shoes!” A few days later, the second report came back from the other researcher. It read: “Great market here. Nobody wears shoes!”
“Faith it, until you make it.”
“When you are upset, remind yourself the cause of your discomfort is your own attitude. This is freedom.” – Dr. Lee Jampolsky
“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” – Will Rogers