Christmas One-Liners
What do you call a blind reindeer? I have no eye deer. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite. What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? Elfis. How do sheep … Continue reading →
Tag Archives: Christmas
Fractured Christmas Carols
Listen very closely when kids sing Christmas carols, This is what you just might hear! Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly… We three kings of porridge and tar… On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me… Later … Continue reading →
The Divorce Call
A man in Phoenix called his son in New York the day before Christmas and said, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is … Continue reading →
The Politically Correct 12 Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of … Continue reading →
20 Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave … Continue reading →
The Farmer and the Birds
Once there was a farmer and he and his family were living through a cold, snowy Midwestern winter. He was a kind, decent, good man – generous to his family and honest in his dealings with others, but he just … Continue reading →
A Christmas Hope
“It is my heart-warm and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us … Continue reading →