Lawyers aren’t typically funny–unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official records nationwide:
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’
Q: Did he kill you?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Were you alone or by yourself?
How long have you been a French Canadian?
Do you have children or anything of that kind?
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
Q: What were you doing at the time?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
So you were gone until you returned?
Q: She had three children, right?
Q: How many were boys?
Q: Were there girls?
You don’t know what it was, and you don’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!