We all make mistakes and for several medical secretaries, what they typed didn’t quite explain the actual situation…

• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
• The patient refused autopsy.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
• Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
• Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
• Patient was found in bed with her power mower.