The following are biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.