- What do you call a blind reindeer?
- I have no eye deer.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
- Frostbite.
- What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?
- Elfis.
- How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Spanish?
- Fleece Navidad.
- What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
- Unwrap.
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
- Nothing – because it was on the house.
- What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
- A rebel without a Claus.
- Where does Santa store his suit?
- In his Claus-et.
Living Someone Else’s Life
The Health of Our Relationships
“In your relationships, train yourself to be aware of your automatic, judgemental tendencies, then consciously and intentionally choose how to respond. The health of our relationships is based on our ability to take personal responsibility for how we respond to other people.” – Al Ritter
Worker Ants
Forgiveness is the Key
Going Downhill
Returning Thanks
Lesser Known Laws
You’ve heard of Murphy’s famous Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Well, there are many other related Laws. Here are some:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
–Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair
Identical parts aren’t.
–Beach’s Law
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
–Anthony’s Law of the Workshop
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
–Tussman’s Law
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
–Lowery’s Law
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
–Peer’s Law
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
–William’s Law
Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it’s green or it wiggles, it’s Biology.
2. If it stinks, it’s Chemistry.
3. If it doesn’t work, it’s Physics.
Machines should work. People should think.
–IBM’s Pollyanna Principle:
The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage – management.
–The Dilbert Principle
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
–Ehrlich’s Law
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
–Ralph’s Observation
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
–Cannon’s Comment
Thinly sliced cabbage.
–Cole’s Law