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2,600+ inspiring quotes, stories and more - Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel Your Flame
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The Realistic Miracle Diet

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 26, 2020 by GregApril 26, 2020

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice of whole wheat toast, 8 oz. low fat or skim milk

Lunch: 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed spinach, 1 cup herbal tea, 1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack: Rest of Oreos in pack, 2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream, 1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream.

Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread with cheese, Large sausage and cheese pizza, 4 cans or 1 large pitcher diet soda, 3 Milky Way candy bars

Late Evening News: Entire Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from freezer.

BASIC RULES FOR THIS DIET

  • If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  • If you drink diet soda with candy bars, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
  • When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
  • Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.
  • If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.
  • Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one’s personal intake. (Examples are Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
  • Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking cookies causes caloric leakage.
  • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. (Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.)
  • Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. For instance, spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.
  • NOTE: Chocolate is a universal substitute and may be used in place of any other food.
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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Choices and Decisions, Health, Life

Good Morning, I Am God

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 25, 2020 by GregApril 25, 2020

Good morning, I am God. Today, I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.

If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, DO NOT attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFJTD (Something for Jesus to Do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not necessarily yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removal will delay the resolution of your problem. If it is a situation you think you are capable of handling, please consult Me in prayer to be sure that you are correct.

Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep. Rest my child. If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away. Your Friend, God.

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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Choices and Decisions, Soul and Christianity

First Time in Church

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 25, 2020 by GregApril 25, 2020

My grandson returned from his first time in church and was asked how it went.

He said, “The music was nice, but the commercial was too long.”

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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Friendship and Relationships, Soul and Christianity

A Well Taken Care of Today

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 24, 2020 by GregApril 24, 2020

“A well taken care of today will pave the way for a well taken care of tomorrow.” – Sri Swami Satchidananda

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Posted in The Book of Taunt | Tagged Choices and Decisions, Life

How to Clean the Toilet

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 24, 2020 by GregApril 24, 2020

You Will Need: One Toilet, One Cat, Appropriate Amount of Cat Shampoo

Add the appropriate amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.

Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this).

Flush the toilet three or four times (this provides a “power-wash” and “rinse”).

Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door).

Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely, The Dog

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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Health, Life

Time to Make Repairs

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 23, 2020 by GregApril 23, 2020

“As long as the candle burns, there is time to make repairs.” – Rabbi Salanter

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Posted in The Book of Taunt | Tagged Life, Mind and Attitude, Time - Past and Future

Unarmed Self Defense

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 23, 2020 by GregApril 23, 2020

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, “What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?”

The student replied, “Big ones!”

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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Choices and Decisions, Success and Failure

Meaningful Conversation

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 22, 2020 by GregApril 22, 2020

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”

The attorney said, “Well, do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?” The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand. I mean do you have a grudge?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?” The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?” The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?” And the farmer said, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

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Posted in Thought Provokers | Tagged Communication

Error and Truth

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 22, 2020 by GregApril 22, 2020

“Error is often dressed in the garb of the truth.”

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Posted in The Book of Taunt | Tagged Choices and Decisions, Life, Trust

Facing a Change

Tauntisms.com - Inspiration and Encouragement | Keep Your Cool | Live on Fire | Fuel the Flame Posted on April 21, 2020 by GregApril 21, 2020

“Not everything that can be faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed that is not faced.” – James Baldwin

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Posted in The Book of Taunt | Tagged Change

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