“Promises may gain friends, but it is performance that keeps them.”
Cake Personality Test
If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:
- Angel Food
- Brownies
- Lemon Meringue
- Vanilla with Chocolate Icing
- Strawberry Short Cake
- Chocolate on Chocolate
- Ice Cream
- Carrot Cake
You can’t change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!
OK – Now that you’ve made your choice, this is what research says about you:
- Angel Food – Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.
- Brownies – You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
- Lemon Meringue – Smooth, sexy, and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don’t try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
- Vanilla with Chocolate Icing – Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.
- Strawberry Short Cake – Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.
- Chocolate on Chocolate – Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
- Ice Cream – You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don’t like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.
- Carrot Cake – You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
Picnic Punishment
The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.
When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. “What’s the matter? I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” her mother said. “It’s too late!” the little girl said. “I’ve already prayed for rain!”
Putting the Federal Government in Charge
Riches are a Blessing
Our Ministry, Our Calling
“We don’t have a ministry because we decide to have one; we have a ministry because God gives us one. Our calling is God’s doing, not ours. Our privilege is to obey what God tells us to do; our responsibility is to serve Him faithfully in the place of obedience. We cannot manufacture God’s blessing and anointing simply by being ambitious, highly motivated, or hard working. An ounce of obedience is worth more than a pound of strife and a ton of self-effort.” – Roy Lessin
The Mommy Test
I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. “Why?” “Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.” At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.” “Oh.” We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. “I get it!!!!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy.”
Job Hunting
I’ve been working hard lately. I thought you might like to know what I’ve been up to.
I got a job at an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate, so I got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumber jack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it – mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next, I tried working at the muffler shop, but that was just exhausting!
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Then I tried being a chef – figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.
I attempted to work at the deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I studied a long time and became a doctor, then found out that I didn’t have the patients.
Shortly after that I found a job at the shoe factory. I tried, but I didn’t have the sole for it, besides, I just didn’t fit in.
One day I tried selling velcro, but couldn’t stick with it!
They suggested I try professional fishing, but soon discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
After training to be a fireman, I suffered from job burn out.
I did manage to get a good job with a pool maintenance company, but the work was too draining.
I applied for a job at the zoo feeding the giraffes, but they said that I wasn’t up to it.
So then I applied at the gym, They said I wasn’t fit for it. Go figure??
I did get the job as the county historian. Then I realized that there was no future in it.
Someone suggested I look into becoming a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
A tennis instructor would have been fun, but it wasn’t my racket. I way too high strung.
Spent some time farming, but I wasn’t out standing in my field.
Looked into becoming a pilot, but they said I had a bad altitude.
So, now I’ve retired and found that I’m a perfect fit for this job.
Mistaken Identity
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn’t move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash.
The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the man. The man, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red. The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection.
As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman. The policeman tells! her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening.
After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car. She turns, places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any questions and is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects. He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, “I’m really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. Then I noticed the: “Choose Life” license plate holder, the “What Would Jesus Do” bumper sticker, the “Follow Me to Sunday School” bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. So, naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.”