“Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.” – Zig Ziglar
An Attitude Adjustment
So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT!” But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, “That’s it. I’ll get you,” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invectives that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt.
After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I’ve given you. I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.” The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, “By the way, what did the chicken do?”
Teaching Our Children to Walk and Talk
The Kind of Beauty
Weeds
Master Your Mindset
Thinking About the Right Thing
Tug of War – He Wouldn’t Let Go
Once on a hot summer day in Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.
From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard the screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father’s fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to his son. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars.
The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, “But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn’t let go.”
Courage Doesn’t Always Roar
The Politically Correct 12 Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance gave to me,
- TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
- ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note…)
- TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
- NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
- EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
- SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
- SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,
- FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
- FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
- THREE deconstructionist poets,
- TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,
- And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.