“In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.” – Paul Harvey
Happy Accidents
“Looks like there’s a little white paint up here in the sky that I sort of missed, didn’t see it, but we’ll just put a shadow under it, and that easy, we’ll turn it into another little peak. See, we don’t make mistakes, we just have happy accidents, because the mountain looks better now with a peak like that.” – Bob Ross
Favorite Bible Verse
Someone gave a speech this week about how his faith is “important” to him.
In this attempt to convince the American people that we should consider him for president, he announced that his favorite Bible verse is John 16:3. Of course, the speech writer meant John 3:16 (“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – NIV), but nobody was familiar enough with Scripture to catch the error.
Do you know what John 16:3 really says?
“They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me.”
*Note: This error is typically blamed on politicians, but as far as I know, has never been proven. I include it here as ironic fiction.
A Letter to the Pastor
Dear Pastor:
You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated:
- Christmas (Sunday before or after)
- New Year (Party lasted too long)
- Easter (Get away for holidays)
- July 4 (National holiday)
- Labor Day (Need to get away)
- Memorial Day (Visit hometown)
- School Closing (Kids need break)
- School Opens (One last fling)
- Family Reunions (Mine & wife’s)
- Sleep late (Saturday night parties)
- Deaths in Family
- Anniversary
- Sickness (One per family member)
- Business Trips (A must)
- Vacation (Three weeks)
- Bad Weather (Ice, snow, rain, clouds, heat wave)
- Ball games
- Unexpected Company (Can’t walk out)
- Time changes (Spring ahead; fall back)
- Special on TV (Super Bowl, etc.)
Pastor, that leaves only two Sundays per year. So, you can count on us to be in church on the fourth Sunday in February and the third Sunday in August unless providentially hindered.
Sincerely,
A Faithful Member