“Trouble creates a capacity to handle it…meet it as a friend, for you’ll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Fun Things to Do During Boring Church Services
- Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
- See if a yawn really is contagious.
- Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
- Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
- Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with ‘A’ then ‘B and so on through the alphabet.
- Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
- Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
- Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
- Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
- Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.
- Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
- Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.
- By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.
- While people are locating the announced congregational song, step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if directing the hymn.
- Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not have their heads bowed and eyes closed.
- See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks before your mother catches you.
- Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to excuse yourself and leave the room.
- Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing it as loud as you can.
Computers and the ‘Older’ Generation
A computer was something on TV, From a science-fiction show of note, A window was something you hated to clean, And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend, And gig was a job for the nights, Now they all mean different things, And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, A program was a TV show, A cursor used profanity, A keyboard was a piano. Log on was adding wood to the fire, Hard drive was a long trip on the road, A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife, And paste you did with glue, A web was a spider’s home, And a virus was a flu. I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper, And the memory in my head, I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead.