Tell Me Something Positive

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A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.”

She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at the local chapel.

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God is on the Move – Join Him

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“God is always on the move. He’s always doing something. Sometimes it’s little. Sometimes it’s big. But, He’s always up to something. We can choose to go with Him, go another direction, or not move at all. It is always our choice. The trick is that when we choose not to move, we are actually still moving. Much like a boat on the water, the normal “wind and waves” of life impact us whether we want them to or not. We don’t possess an anchor within ourselves that can prevent that. We all naturally drift aimlessly when we don’t choose to move. God invites us to join Him – His choice. What an honor! Don’t just drift, start your engine now and choose to move!” – Greg Taunt

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Persistence is a Habit

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“Persistence is a habit, and like any habit you can develop it in yourself with practice and repetition. Every act of persistence and self-discipline strengthens every other act of persistence and self-discipline. Every failure of persistence and self-discipline weakens you in every other area as well. They are all interlinked.” – Brian Tracy

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Fun Things to Do During Boring Church Services

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  • Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
  • See if a yawn really is contagious.
  • Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
  • Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
  • Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with ‘A’ then ‘B and so on through the alphabet.
  • Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
  • Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
  • Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
  • Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
  • Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.
  • Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
  • Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.
  • By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.
  • While people are locating the announced congregational song, step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if directing the hymn.
  • Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not have their heads bowed and eyes closed.
  • See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks before your mother catches you.
  • Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to excuse yourself and leave the room.
  • Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing it as loud as you can.
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