“We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to learn to live in the same box.”
Things My Mother Taught Me
- My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
- My mother taught me RELIGION. “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
- My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
- My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
- My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
- My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
- My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
- My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
- My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
- My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
- My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
- My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
- My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
- My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”
- My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
- My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
- My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
- My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
- My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
- My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
- My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
- My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
- My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
Today
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because I’ve been provided shelter for my mind and body.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped, and here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
Lift Your Heart Toward Heaven
“Refuse to fall down. If you cannot refuse to fall down, refuse to stay down. If you cannot refuse to stay down, lift your heart toward heaven, and like a hungry beggar, ask that it be filled, and it will be filled. You may be pushed down. You may be kept from rising. But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven.” – Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
God, Satan, and Our Health
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained pounds. And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And Satan brought forth ice cream. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created Insurance Companies, HMOs, and PPOs.