I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to start out by taking an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my workout clothes on, the class was over.
Things You Never Hear in Church
- Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.
- I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
- Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
- I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
- I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
- Forget the denominational minimum salary; let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
- I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before.
- Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
- Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
- Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.
Our Success
Don’t Miss the Open Door
Choose Happiness Now
“Choose happiness now. Waiting for your life to be totally in order before expressing happiness is an unrealistic dream. ‘If only …’ and, ‘Someday I’ll …’ are detours to happiness. They snuff out contentment. The best part of your life is right now. Not someday in the past or future. Life may not be as good as you want, but you really have it pretty good. Learn to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.” – Glenn Van Ekeren
Don’t Vacation on Someday Isle
Doubt and Defeat
Standing in the Sky
Peace and Ease
What is Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “Why did you ask this question?” The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”