While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, “Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m fine,” I said.
“Oh, good,” she continued. “Will you be vacating your parking space now?”
Christmas Vacation School Report
Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break.
“We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,” he replied.
“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,” the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”
Little Johnny thought about it and said, “You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”
The Power of Choice
“One of the most powerful medicines in the world is ‘choice.’ We can choose our attitude, how we react to situations, and with whom we want to share our lives. When illnesses or situations threaten to disrupt our lives, it’s our choice to throw in the towel and become a victim or stand and fight, no matter what the outcome – living the life we have as a victor.” – David Zerfoss
Out of Shape
I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to start out by taking an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my workout clothes on, the class was over.
Things You Never Hear in Church
- Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.
- I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
- Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
- I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
- I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
- Forget the denominational minimum salary; let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
- I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before.
- Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
- Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
- Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.
Our Success
Don’t Miss the Open Door
Choose Happiness Now
“Choose happiness now. Waiting for your life to be totally in order before expressing happiness is an unrealistic dream. ‘If only …’ and, ‘Someday I’ll …’ are detours to happiness. They snuff out contentment. The best part of your life is right now. Not someday in the past or future. Life may not be as good as you want, but you really have it pretty good. Learn to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.” – Glenn Van Ekeren