“Love people and use things. Too many times we get this one backwards.” – Greg Taunt
Sunday School Bloopers
The following are biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
Add Humor to Your Workplace
“Add more therapeutic humor to your workplace. Watch a funny video during lunchtime at least once a week. Ask people to bring in their favorites. A study has shown that people who watched funny videos before taking a creativity test scored 300-500% better than those who watched something ‘intellectual!'” – Barbara Glanz
I Am Thankful…
For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes– Because that means he is at home not on the streets.
For the taxes that I pay– Because it means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party– Because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug– Because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work– Because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing– Because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government– Because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot– Because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill– Because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key– Because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing– Because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day– Because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours– Because it means I am alive.