“Love people and use things. Too many times we get this one backwards.” – Greg Taunt
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
“Quality is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction, and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives.” – Will Foster
“If you wait until all the lights are green before you leave home, you’ll never get started on your trip to the top.” – Zig Ziglar
The following are biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:
FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. ” – Corrie Ten Boom
“Add more therapeutic humor to your workplace. Watch a funny video during lunchtime at least once a week. Ask people to bring in their favorites. A study has shown that people who watched funny videos before taking a creativity test scored 300-500% better than those who watched something ‘intellectual!'” – Barbara Glanz
For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes– Because that means he is at home not on the streets.
For the taxes that I pay– Because it means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a party– Because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug– Because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work– Because it means I am out in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing– Because it means I have a home.
For all the complaining I hear about the government– Because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot– Because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
For my huge heating bill– Because it means I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off key– Because it means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing– Because it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day– Because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours– Because it means I am alive.
“If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you won’t. Either way, you are correct.” – Greg Taunt
“God knows what He is doing and His timing is perfect. How quickly we sometimes forget.” – Greg Taunt