“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light somewhere nearby.” – Ruth E. Renkee
Living Life Backwards
“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” – Margaret Young
Originally posted 2016-11-03 20:18:35.
Killing Time
“Among the aimless you often hear talk about ‘killing time.’ People who are constantly killing time are really killing their own chances in life. Those who are destined to become successful are those who make time and use it wisely.” – Arthur Brisbane
Originally posted 2016-03-14 19:54:40.
Frog Racing
Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began and no one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
You heard statements such as, “Oh, WAY too difficult!!” “They will NEVER make it to the top.” “Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!”
The tiny frogs began collapsing one by one, except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!” More tiny frogs got tired and gave up.
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher. This one wouldn’t give up! Finally, everyone else had given up climbing the tower, except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!
All of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it. A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal? It turned out that the winner was deaf.
Things My Mother Taught Me
- My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
- My mother taught me RELIGION. “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
- My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
- My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
- My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
- My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
- My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
- My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
- My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
- My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
- My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
- My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
- My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
- My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”
- My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
- My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
- My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
- My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
- My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
- My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
- My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
- My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
- My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
Originally posted 2017-05-26 21:00:25.
The Heavenly Computer Competition
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, “That’s it! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was as fast as can be.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally, the electricity came back on and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any”?
God just shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
Originally posted 2016-03-22 20:42:22.