“Compassion is the most potent medicine we can administer in healthcare.” – Blaine Anderson
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
“If you want to have a full and happy life, in good times and in bad, you have to get used to the idea that facing misfortune squarely is better than trying to escape from it.” – Norman Fischer
- Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people–whether they’re employed or not.
- At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts–your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- Most dogs are immortal.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- When hacking into a top secret government computer system, passwords are easily guessed after five tries or less.
- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
- You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
- A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
- A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
- A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.
- Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
- A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.
- A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver’s license.
- A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music – loud and very loud.
- An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
- A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.
- A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
- A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
- A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
- An original thinker who is positive that her parents were never teenagers.
“The key to life is not accumulation. It’s contribution.” – Stephen Covey
Found in a fortune cookie: “You are a poor, pathetic, gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products.”
“Make a gift of your life and lift all…by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.” – David R. Hawkins
“There is no evidence that humor is going to add years to your life, but there’s a lot of evidence that it adds life to your years.”
A visiting minister waxed eloquently during the offertory. “Dear Lord,” he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “Without you we are but dust. . . ”
He would have continued but at that moment my small daughter, who was listening intently, asked quite audibly in her shrill little voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”