“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” – Babe Ruth
Getting Old
A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: “My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.
“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. “My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another went on. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence… “Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “At least we can still drive.”
Lunch with God
The little boy wanted to meet God.
He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his backpack with Twinkies and a six-pack of lemonade and he started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase.
He was about to take a drink from his lemonade when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered her a Twinkie. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a lemonade. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house, a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?” He replied, “I had lunch with God.” But before his mother could respond, he added, “You know what? She’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”
Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, “Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?” She replied, “I ate Twinkies in the park with God.” But before her son responded, she added, “You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”
– from DailyPrayers.org
Driving the Speed Limit
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies–two in the front seat and three in the back–wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly 22 miles an hour!”, the old woman says a bit proudly. The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the highway number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 119.”