“The best preparation for a better life next year is a full, complete, harmonious, joyous life this year.” – Thomas Dreier
The Pastoral Search Committee Notes
In our search for a suitable pastor, the following notes were compiled for your reference. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. This list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each, should you be interested in meeting with them.
Noah – He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.
Moses – He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things.
Abraham – He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out.
David – He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been considered for minister of music had he not fallen.
Solomon – He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he preaches.
Elijah – He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under pressure.
Hosea – His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried to a prostitute.
Jeremiah – He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real pain in the neck.
Amos – Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.
John – He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. Would not feel comfortable around him at a church potluck supper.
Peter – Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly.
Paul – We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh. His appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.
Timothy – He has potential, but is much too young for the position.
Jesus – He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He even offended the search committee with his pointed questions.
Judas – He seemed to be very practical, cooperative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.
Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral search.
Sincerely,
The Pastoral Search Committee
The Core Question of Time Management
“There’s an old saying that says,’If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!’ Ask yourself, ‘What is the most valuable use of my time right now?’ In other words, ‘What is my biggest frog of all at this moment?’ This is the core question of time management. Answering this question correctly is the key to overcoming procrastination and becoming a highly productive person. Every hour of every day, one task represents the most valuable use of your time at that moment. Your job is to ask yourself this question, over and over again, and to always be working on the answer to it, whatever it is.” – Brian Tracy