- Your favorite section of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today.”
- The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.
- A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.
- Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.
- Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.
- Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.
- Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.
Changing the Wedding Vows
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
The next day during the wedding ceremony, the time came for the bride and groom to exchange their vows. The pastor looked the young man in the eye and said, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped, looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes.” He then leaned toward the pastor and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put the $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered back, “She made me a much better offer.”