The Long Sermon

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The minister delivered his Sunday morning service as usual but this particular Sunday it was considerably longer than normal. However, it was so well prepared and had so many wonderful scripture quotations he just knew it would be a big hit with the congregation.

At the end of the service he stood shaking hands with parishioners as they exited. One man paused and said, “Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful – so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing.”

About the time the minister broke out in a big smile the man completed his comment by adding, “Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!”

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What is Enough

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“Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what’s more than enough.” – Billie Holiday

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I Forgot My Teeth

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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him, he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them on. “Too loose,” he said. The man then said, “I have another pair — try these.” The speaker tried them on and responded, “Too tight.”

The man was not taken back at all. He said, “I have one more pair. Try them.” The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him. “I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.”

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What Kind of Tracks Are Those?

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Three goofballs were walking in the country one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.

The first goofball said, “I think they’re deer tracks!” The second goofball said, “I think they’re dog tracks!” The third goofball said, “Well, I think they’re cow tracks!” They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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