“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“It is too bad people can’t exchange problems with each other, for all of us claim we know how to solve the other fellow’s problem.”
Once there was a farmer and he and his family were living through a cold, snowy Midwestern winter. He was a kind, decent, good man – generous to his family and honest in his dealings with others, but he just didn’t believe all that “God becoming a man” business which the churches proclaim at Christmas time. It just didn’t make sense and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just couldn’t swallow the Jesus “born of a virgin” story.
“I’m truly sorry to distress you,” he told his wife, “I know it’s Christmas Eve, but I’m not going with you to church tonight.” He said he’d feel like a hypocrite and that he’d much rather just stay at home. So the farmer’s wife and family went to the Christmas Eve service at their church as the snow began to fall again.
The farmer had just sat down in his chair by the warm fireplace when he heard a loud ‘thump’ against a window. He looked out and saw a flock of birds obviously freezing in the subzero temperatures. Apparently, they had been caught in the weather and in a desperate search for shelter, had tried to fly through his window. They huddled together, shivering from the snowy cold.
He couldn’t just let the poor creatures lie there, suffer and freeze. He thought if he could get the birds into his barn, that would provide a warm shelter for them. He put on his coat and boots and headed outside.
The farmer opened the barn doors and waited for the birds to fly in. He waited and waited, but the birds either didn’t see the barn doors or they were too scared to or didn’t know they could enter the barn. They continued to shiver outside. The farmer wasn’t about to give up though.
Next, he grabbed some bird seed and made a trail to the barn. The birds ate some of the small seeds but they did not follow the seeds into the barn. Some of the seeds were soon covered by the snow and lost. Next, he came behind the birds and tried to shoo them into the barn, but they flew away in the opposite direction and then returned to gather into their shivering mass.
The farmer realized that they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a threat. If only I could let them know that they can trust me – that I’m not trying to hurt them, but that I’m trying to help them. But how? Any move he made seemed to frighten and confuse them even more.
The farmer thought to himself, “If only I could communicate with them – be one of them. I could explain to them that the warm barn is a safe place and they wouldn’t be confused or scared anymore.” As the farmer was thinking about this, he heard the church bells ring for the Sunday evening service. Suddenly, the farmer understood the reason God sent Jesus.
Bernie and Esther were not the most religious couple and in fact they really only went to church once a year. As they were leaving the church, the minister said, “Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!” “I know,” replied Bernie, “but at least we keep the Ten Commandments.”
“That’s great,” the minister said. “I’m glad to hear that you keep the Commandments.” “Yep,” Bernie said proudly, “Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four.”
“It is my heart-warm and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.” – Mark Twain
A man walked into a doctor’s office. “What do you have?” the receptionist asked. “Shingles,” he replied. She told him to sit down. Soon a nurse called him and asked, “What do you have?” “Shingles,” he replied.
She took his blood pressure, weight, and complete medical history. Then she took him to a room and told him to remove all of his clothes. After a few minutes the doctor came in and asked, “What do you have?” “Shingles,” the man told him.
The doctor looked him up and down and said, “Where?” “Out on the truck. Where do you want me to unload them?”
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-abuse-survivor gave to me,
- TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
- ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note…)
- TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
- NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
- EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
- SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
- SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,
- FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
- FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
- THREE deconstructionist poets,
- TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,
- And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
“People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.” – Salma Hayek
“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller