“How exciting are your dreams? Most people don’t aim too high and miss–they aim too low and hit!” – Bob Moawad
After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno’s damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in the ashes, perched like a statue on the ground at the base of a tree.
Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently stuck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother’s wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of the impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise.
She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.” -Psalm 91:4
“Home is not where you live but where they understand you.” – Christion Morgenstern
“Some people think they need the faith of a mountain to move a mustard seed.”
A computer was something on TV, From a science-fiction show of note, A window was something you hated to clean, And ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend, And gig was a job for the nights, Now they all mean different things, And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, A program was a TV show, A cursor used profanity, A keyboard was a piano. Log on was adding wood to the fire, Hard drive was a long trip on the road, A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife, And paste you did with glue, A web was a spider’s home, And a virus was a flu. I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper, And the memory in my head, I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead.
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address be “firstname.lastname@example.org”
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
- Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present.
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky”…”No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
- Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. If you don’t have children, draw stick figures yourself.
- Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $25 each.
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
- Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
- Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
- Hang mistletoe over your desk.
- Include a personal note on every e-mail you send: “On a personal note, I’m feeling a bit tired and grumpy today.”…”On a personal note, I’m pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night.”
- Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
- Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
- Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
“We need to learn to listen better, even practice if we need to. We should listen to understand, but many times we only listen to respond.” – Greg Taunt
“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.” – George Washington Carver
For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions.
“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”
To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, Lynn responded, “I think it’s a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?”
“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.”