“Somebody once said we never know what is enough until we know what’s more than enough.” – Billie Holiday
I Forgot My Teeth
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him, he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.
The speaker tried them on. “Too loose,” he said. The man then said, “I have another pair — try these.” The speaker tried them on and responded, “Too tight.”
The man was not taken back at all. He said, “I have one more pair. Try them.” The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him. “I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”
The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.”
What Kind of Tracks Are Those?
Three goofballs were walking in the country one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.
The first goofball said, “I think they’re deer tracks!” The second goofball said, “I think they’re dog tracks!” The third goofball said, “Well, I think they’re cow tracks!” They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Praying for a Baby Brother
A little boy told his Dad he wanted a baby brother. His Dad smiled and suggested he pray for one.
The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but after a couple of weeks with no baby brother, he didn’t bother to ask anymore.
A few months later, Dad said Mom was in the hospital and had a surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw Mom holding two babies!
“Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?” Dad asked.
The little boy said, “I’m glad I stopped praying when I did.”