First Time in Church
My grandson returned from his first time in church and was asked how it went. He said, “The music was nice, but the commercial was too long.”
Continue reading →Category Archives: Thought Provokers
How to Clean the Toilet
You Will Need: One Toilet, One Cat, Appropriate Amount of Cat Shampoo Add the appropriate amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the … Continue reading →
Unarmed Self Defense
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, “What steps … Continue reading →
Meaningful Conversation
A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.” The attorney said, “Well, do you have any … Continue reading →
A Sizable Donation
When the minister picked up the phone, a special agent from the IRS was on the line. “Hello, is this the minister?” “Yes, this is.” “I’m calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Smith. Do you … Continue reading →
An Attitude Adjustment
So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this … Continue reading →
Tug of War – He Wouldn’t Let Go
Once on a hot summer day in Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, … Continue reading →
The Politically Correct 12 Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of … Continue reading →
Chicken on the Roof
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket … Continue reading →
Seinfeldisms
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? Is it possible to be totally partial? What’s another word for thesaurus? If a book about failures doesn’t sell, … Continue reading →