Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave … Continue reading →
One day, a man went to visit a church. He arrived early, parked his car, and got out. Another car pulled up near him, and the driver told him, “I always park there. You took my place!” The visitor went … Continue reading →
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with … Continue reading →
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and … Continue reading →
Someone gave a speech this week about how his faith is “important” to him. In this attempt to convince the American people that we should consider him for president, he announced that his favorite Bible verse is John 16:3. Of … Continue reading →
Dear Pastor: You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons … Continue reading →
This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer’s report. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your … Continue reading →
Paul Harvey said: I don’t believe in Santa Claus, but I’m not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don’t agree with Darwin, but I didn’t go out and hire a lawyer when my high … Continue reading →
An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife … Continue reading →
An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful blonde girl. “I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the $75,000 … Continue reading →